I've been hovering at the 245 pound mark for weeks. BLEH!
I worked out today and was super active... ate better... trying to make it a habit!

NSV (non scale victory)
so I'm still sitting at 238.8, but that's ok. It's stopped going up.
So today I worked out. I worked out yesterday too. This for me is a non-scale victory. Why? Because with all the stopping and starting and stopping and starting, I've managed to do 2 in a row despite the fact that I'm sick as a dog and my lower back is killing me bad enough that I've been in tears more than once over it. I'm not super motivated, but I'm the fattest I've been in over 3 years and that REALLY bothers me. I can't keep doing this to myself...so I'm really paying attention to what's going into my body and making sure that I am active. My biggest hurdle right now is to stop freaking eating out! I keep saying NO MORE... and then I run out and get something to eat. It's easier to let someone else do the work when you're feeling like shit and your back is killing you. I know I know... excuses excuses.
I'm going to start doing a little more planning with marinating chicken ahead of time and steaming veggies in the microwave in those awesome bags.

238.8... but it was 243 over the weekend, so we're finally reversing directions...

Weigh in 238.0
:(

Thank you all for the awesome encouragement! It's very helpful...

last weigh in...up again 234.5

233.4
I suck. I'm going up.

My biggest challenge right now is pain management.  My joints have been screaming this week (they do that now and then) and I take Meloxicam for it. (Meloxicam is a nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drug (NSAID))
My doctors tell me no weight bearing exercise for that and I'm also not supposed to do weight bearing exercise because I get severe headaches when I do due to a brain malformation that I have. Today my knees and hips hurt so bad that walking is becoming challenging.  I can't even get on the elliptical let alone work out hardcore.

So how am I supposed to lose weight if I can't do the exercise? It's so frustrating... doc says "you need to lose weight" then doc says "Oh you can't do this workout program or this workout program or this workout program) and then ones they say I can do conflict with some other doctor's request that I not do something.
It's so frustrating, and this is why I have wished that I had a trainer... they might know how to get around all of my medical BS to help me get to where I need to be!

Help me Mr Wizard!

I swear everyone in this house has been sick... more to come!

So I said last week that I gave into the infomercial. I know I know... but there's no magic pill here.
I will caution anyone that it says you should be in some sort of shape before you use this system. I'm not.. .but I know that I can't do the moves quite like them. It is my goal to be able to do them the same by the time I finish the program. So I have 88 days left to achieve it. If I can't do it the first time, then I will go through it again.

I have finally begun to get food under control, although it is day 2 and I know what it's like when I hit the weekend. I'm going to push hard to stick to everything. I quit drinking for the time being which was important for so many reasons.
My dad is coming to visit this weekend, so I'm really hoping for a biggest loser week on weight loss. I don't want to be as fat as I was this summer when I saw him.
Come on 10 pounds! I know... totally unrealistic, but I'm working hard and eating in my calorie range and trying to will it to happen. Nothing too extreme though. Regular exercise and healthy foods.

I totally forgot my weigh in last week
so here it is

So I think I am finally ready to commit to this. I am getting off my lazy butt, and getting going.
I have to go work at the darkroom, but when I get home I have my first major major workout. I'm silly. I bought the p90x thing after the infomercial aired, but only because I saw moves in there that I was doing when I had the personal trainer. My goal is to be able to do a pull up by the time the thing is over. (I can't even lift myself a fraction of an inch at the moment)
So, I feel a little dumb for calling after an infomercial, but they weren't promising a magic pill. They are promising that if you work your ass off and sweat like a pig while eating the correct foods... that you'll get into shape. I can live with that promise.

So all is still quiet for me. I'm not doing super fantastic, but I am making better choices when I at least purchase food. A rogue purchase yesterday has come back to bite me in the ass today. I am definitely learning from that.
I have made much healthier choices today. I am chugging water like nobody's business and avoiding the sodium in my diet pop. I have fresh fruit to eat, some of the rare veggies that I do like are available to me. Let's see if I can make use of the healthier environment that I have set up for myself.

So today I decided it was time to face up to the truth.
I have been suffering from depression. I kept trying to blame the winter weather, or the fact that I've been sick all through the fall and winter season. I woke up today, and the sun was shining. I only have 1 pill left on my anti-biotics for strep, and I was still mopey and just didn't care.

I think the biggest trigger over the past few months was what happened with my trainer. I had won a personal trainer this year based on an essay I wrote on why I would make a good role model. The deal was that I would mentor a high school student on the baseball team and in return I would get 12 weeks of a personal trainer. Fantastic! It was going so well. I was getting my butt kicked at least 3 times a week and I was really enjoying it and working hard, and then I got a call from the trainer after week number 3. None of the parents felt that I would make a good mentor for their sons because I was a girl. They wanted a male to mentor the kids. So the trainer just dropped me from the program like that. Over the phone. "Sorry, but we have to call this quits."
I was completely devastated and I think it affected me so much more than I realized. That rejection was more painful than anything else I had experienced.
I tried to see the parents' point. Ok, yeah.. they felt their sons needed a man in their lives, but I mean they just flat out refused to even entertain the idea of me as a mentor. Was there something about me as well? Was it just that I was a girl? Ugh. I don't even like thinking about it... it still upsets me.

I could handle any other reason for losing a trainer. I could handle the biggest loser thing of getting voted off.... but that complete rejection was just too much to take.
So there. I thought I would share a little bit of myself. Now I just need to make an appointment and discuss my options with my doc.

Despite my feelings of apathy today, I dragged my butt onto the elliptical trainer to do 45 minutes tonight. I take pride in that. I got off my butt and I did it.

Also, in order to deal with negative body issues, I have been doing a photography project called 365 Days. It is 1 self portrait for every day in a year. Hopefully it will show some weight loss this year, but for now I am trying to get comfortable with myself. I thought I'd share today's since I decided to be silly. I know a girl who jumps in ALL of her self portrait shots. I admire her shots because she's not some rail thin goddess. She's a real woman with curves and her crazy jumping pictures are so inspiring to see. She does them in public and in private. She encourages everyone to jump in photos with her. So I did a jumping photo as a tribute to her...

So talk about one hell of a sore throat. The doc called on Saturday to say that I do, indeed, have strep throat. Ugh. I'm on day 3 of the meds and it's STILL hurting and I'm still hacking my guts out.
I'm hoping to hit the elliptical today and to really get going on this. I'm so annoyed with the way I keep managing to get strep (this is the 3rd or 4th case since August)

More to come later!

Added a photo I took of Dan and I last night for our "fauxtobooth" shoot. (silly group assignment on flickr to make a fake photobooth photo)
Always a good time!

I have been so incredibly sick all week and struggling to even eat, let alone eat right and exercise.
Exercise for me has been just dragging my butt out of bed and going to the doctor's office.

Hopefully this thing runs its course over the weekend, or they discover I have strep and get me on some antibiotics! I hate being sick.
I tried working out on New Year's Day, but the rest of the night was spent coughing so hard that I ended up being awake all night between coughing and throwing up.  What a way to start the new year!

I'm looking forward to feeling better and getting a move on things around here.

So my official weigh in this morning 232.4.
So Biggest Loser challenge day 1!
My name is Ali, and this is my first entry into the biggest loser million pound matchup! I live in Denver, Colorado with my husband (and partner in this challenge) Dan.
So my weight loss goals over the next 3 months is to drop 15 pounds.
Dan's weight loss goals over the next 3 months is to drop 35 pounds. Our combined total is 50 pounds.

We are entering the contest because we are tired of being overweight, out of shape, and living with the threat of heart disease and diabetes over our head.
My mother died at 55 of a heart attack, and Dan's father also died early of a heart attack and was living with diabetes. Both of us have a family history of heart disease, and with 2 young children, we know that we want to be around for a long time to come. I want to be the Nana that my kids didn't have. Dan wants to be the Grandpa that our kids never had. 
I also struggle with Lupus and a continuing string of bad health. I am sick ALL the time. I know that proper diet and exercise will help keep my Lupus under control.
We plan to do this by counting calories, eating a well balanced diet, and exercising our butts off!

We should win because we need this. I need this. I want to be healthy for the first time in more than 10 years! I don't want to have to take multiple medications anymore. I want to be off of my meds and running around with my kids! We deserve this because we do everything for everyone else, but we never do anything for ourselves. It's time for us to take control!

Stats:
Age: 33
Height: 5' 7"
Weight: 232.4
Goal: 217.4 by 03/11/08